Day 36 - Bristol to West Hay

Today is day 36, where I wheeled from Bristol to West hay. The day didnt have the best of starts, it followed a laclustre night of sleep. I didn't get to bed until very late with soting out my chair and then social media, and then, yes this blog! Then I ended up waking up at about 2AM, until about 5AM, with a lovely flare, the double trouble again, the bum and my leg pain double whammy, so that wasn't fun. The bum pain is Proctalgia Vagus. Basically the Vagus Nerve inside your back passage causes a huge amount of pain. Lots of people get this, and it has varying degrees of severity. So in typical fashion, I dont do things by halves, so I have the most severe form which gets to a 9-10 level of pain, which very strangely, then sets off my leg! Who knew they were all connected! I ended up having to get the heat packs out and wait for it to pass. My alarm was set to go for 6AM, but I didn't sleep after the flare, so was so tired this morning. Fortunately the pain was settled by the time I got up properly, so that was a good thing.

Today was another really tough day. It was promising at the start, which didn't seem to be that bad for a couple of kilometres and then all of a sudden, I just hit this whopping great big hill. It was really, really steep, really long, with massive cambers. One way then the other, and the ground was still very wet, which made it technically, very tough. I am very happy that the rain subsided before I began todays wheel. So I was wheeling up a very long and steep hill with cambers, which meant I had to also put my right foot on the front wheel again, to stabilise myself against the cambers, which was incredibly difficult to do, but I got to the top and I thought, well, okay, not too bad... hopefully that'll be that for the day!

It wasn't! I literally got the top of the hill then turned Left, straight onto another, really, really difficult hill. This one just did not want to end. Not for a very long time. It was probably about another 10K hill, which just kept getting steeper and steeper and steeper. I would have to guess, was probably about an 18% incline again. I felt almost completely broken by the time I got to the top of it because I genuinely thought that it was going to carry on until we got to Devon, which is not until tomorrow.

So easy days that I've been anticipating and waiting for, it turns out, were not coming. Everyday is full of extremely long hills, which is tough both physically and mentally. To keep going when you know it will not get easier, day after day is really hard to do. I purposely ask that no one tells me about the route at any point. Psychologically it is much easier to cope with if you dont know. This worked most of the time, but on occasion one of the team members would, im guessing, forget, and blurt out what was coming. It was always when it was something hard as well, which made the mental task, much tougher!

I know im getting quite close to the end, and my body is very broken. I've been exceptionally tired all the time. Whilst wheeling today, I was falling asleep going down very, very steep inclines, which is a bit dangerous. I just couldn't keep my eyes open, no natter what I tried. Normally when this happens, its because lack of sleep has triggered a Fibro flare, which comes with a migrane, pain and exhaustion. I was even falling asleep wheeling on a flat surface and it was a real struggle all day long. I am still falling asleep now, whilst writing this...

But theres more about today yet. The good bit, which was very good indeed. I got a lovely surprised by Steve and his lovely wife, Jill, and Barry and Helen from the Aaron Lewis Foumdation turning up to see me on route. They drove up to see me which was incredible. I was wheeling along and got a sort of vision of some people standing by the side of the road and as I got a bit closer there they were just cheering and clapping and it was just incredible to see them. I absolutely adore every one of them. They are just the nicest people in the world and I was please to see them. It was nice to have some positivity there. I really needed that. Positive, smiley people. This was what the event was supposed to be about. Positive messaging and positivity. I dont think some of the group got that memo! But seeing the ALF gang really gave me the boost I desperately needed to get through the day.

I passed them, and they then drove ahead and then jump out of the car and do another another clap, and then they did that a few times, which just was absolutely amazing.

A bit further up the road, I pulled in for a quick rest stop. Thats basically a wee and a gel. Just as I stoped they pulled in as well, so I got to say hello, properly which was just wonderful. They all get them a big hug even though I warnwd them I was all sweaty, but they didn't seem to mind. So it was a tough day, but with a good bit as well.

So great to see this lot!

This evening we were staying in an apartment, which was nice to be with everybody. It's a strange one, so you know when you're doing something like this, and you have to wonder what other peoples experiences have been whilst doing big events like this? Did they experience what I am experiencing, both good and bad? So obviously the support group have alot in common. They were doing the same job and so they had common ground to discuss and talk about and empathise with. My job was very different to theirs, and so I did not have anyone to talk to that would understand.

Everybody who volunteered to do this event knew as much as I did with what it would be like. We offered people the opportunity to be subbed out on many occasions as well. The only person who couldnt be subbed was me, for obvious reasons. One thing ill never understand was people who were negaive alot, from before I even started, not taking the offer of the support crew at home. But you never know whats going on in peoples heads.

I felt very much outside and of everything. Outside of the group. Most conversations or discussions, I was left out of completely. Some were needed, if it was about the route, but not everything. So this was incredibly difficult to deal with. It was quite a lonely business really. To be isolated like that. Then not being aloud to talk about my experience, although others were speaking of theirs, was very tough. This was every day. I realised this quite quickly. If I mentioned things being tough, I would have one of 2 personses, either 'yer, we all are' or 'you wanted to do this.' This was not particularly supportive, I must say. I was surrounded by people, but never felt more alone. It was like those days at school again, where you could have people everywhere, but if you got shot down every time you spoke, you learned not to speak much at all. I knew this was a difficult sutuation for everyone, and was a challenge for everyone, in one way or another, but for me this was the most difficult part of the challenge. Today, I feel very happy that im close to home. That there is not that long to go before I finish. Physically, although very sore, I feel like I could just keep going. Mentally I feel broken. Im not sure I would have made it this far, to be honest, if it were not for the support crew at home. They gave me someone to talk to. Alot of them had done weeks on the event as well, and it was interesting to hear their perspectives of what they experienced. But everything is a learning curve. This has taught me alot. The main overwhelming part told me that when picking support crew the number 1 part of this job was to be positive and supportive, and then the other roles within the job were secondary to this. Also to insist on substitution if people werent happy. Because when your the person doing the event, you need to feel happy, supported and comfortable to be able to talk. This was not how I felt at all.

But tomorrow is another day, and you never know...

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