Day 29 - Toughness isn't just physical!
Day 29. I wheeled myself from Welshampton to Dorrington, and climbed 912 feet. I was pretty pleased with the fact that I managed to do 47, almost 48 km in 4 and a 1/2 hours, which was very unexpected considering the fact that I was really, really tired. It was actually the toughest day yet. It was greatest distance that I've wheeled so far. But I was just really depleted this morning. I felt really, really tired, very lethargic, even just moving on a flat felt difficult. I never thought i'd hit that wall that everyone talks about though. I've hit it once before, during my 12 hour challenge that I did last year, but I think I put that down to the fact that I had heat stroke and it seemed to coincide with that.
I definitely hit that wall though, but there was still no question at any point that I would ever give up. That thought doesn't even enter into my head. I don't know why?But it doesn't! For some reason, no matter what happens, it really is never there, and that's the 100% truth, it doesn't even pop into my head. I may think, I need to stop for a second, and get frustrated when I can't do things. When my body won't do what I want it to do because I'm not strong enough, or I'm in too much pain, or my Fibromyalgia is flaring. I hate the thought of something not being possible, so for example, if I'm going up a very large hill with a camber and my arms give out or something like that, i get very upset with myself. But it is short lived. I will just get quite upset with myself that they can't do it. I tend to shout quite loudly at myself and the road and terrain, the cambers and the the hills to 'beep beep' get lost basically, because I'm frustrated with them, especially when it rains, and with added difficulties caused by external factors.
The day today was really, really tough lots of cambers again, lots of hills that were very, very long, which felt harder than they normally would just because I felt so lethargic. I actually wonder if I was having a Fibromyalgia flare. It would make sense with how much lethargy I felt. But there was nothing I could do other than carry on. I also wonder if the sheer volume of work and magnitude of the hills and distance was beginning to catch up with me?
On top of that, the clouds were very low, causing low atmospheric pressure, which affects me quite badly. So when there's low cloud and rain in the air, I end up having a higher chance of having a flair of my CRPS and that happened today. It wasn't the worst flare I've had, it was just what I call, a normal flair. So it put my pain levels from the usual, 8 out of 10 to about 9 and a 1/2 to the full on 10 plus, which I quite often get. It was high enough to affect me quite badly, to warrant my having to taking more medication, which I try never to do during training. Just because it can make me a bit drowsy, but in a sense, I tried everything I usually do I tried my heat packs. I tried just going through it, but the fact that i was so tired as well, exacerbated things. So I ended up having to double up my Tramadol. It happens sometimes, but it doesn't help the crps, but it helps the nerve issues, so the stabbing pain on the right on the left hand side of my stump. It helps that to calm that down slightly, which then that helps, in turn with the crps, because the nerves trigger the crps and vice versa. So if I can control one of them, then it tends to help the other. It basically helps a little bit, but it doesn't make it go away. It can help by bringing the pain down to it's usual level, a little bit sooner. The downside of increasing my medication is the fact that it makes me feel really sleepy. This is because I don't double up on my medication very often and you are allowed to, I'm allowed to to take a lot more than I do. But I don't when I'm training because it makes me sleepy. And indeed it did!
I was wheeling downhill at speeds of about 16-20mph and actually felt myself nodding off a couple of times, which is a little bit dangerous and scary. Fortunately, I didn't have any accidents and didn't completely go to sleep, which was a bonus, but yeah, I felt that happening. It happened a lot!
Sharon and Pam were great though. Every time I would stop Pam came out to to ask if I was okay, which was really nice and put her arm around me. Even though she always tells me she's not a cuddly person, and she is 'good at faking being supportive!' I wonder if thats a facade, and she's actually okay with cuddles. Either way, it definitely helps me. When I'm stressed or upset, I'm an easy person to calm down. Just let me speak, and give me a cuddle and 2 minutes later I'm smiling again.
So I'm really lucky to have such a great team and such amazing friends. Its actually made me all emotional again! So, all in all, I was really gobsmacked, that I finished the day off the way that did, and I actually did further than planned. The plan was to do 45km, but I end up doing 48, which Was brilliant and exactly what I needed. We've still got that little bit of distance to make up from last week.
After my wheel had finished we thought we were staying in a hotel, but It turned out to be a cottage. Neil and Sharon was staying somewhere else because It's coming up to Neil's birthday. So they they were staying in a spa, which is really nice and I was really pleased that they were. It was nice for them to have some time together.
So me and Pam, ended up in a lovely little cottage, but because we didn't know in advance that it was not a hotel, there wasn't time to prep for food. So we did not have any!
There was a hotel in site, but that didn't serve food either, which was very bizarre. So because Neil and Sharon ended up needing to travel to their hotel using the car, and having to charge it as well, and they had a work meeting to go to as well, a virtual meeting and then ended up getting us food as well. It was quite late by then, around 7.30pm, which was late for me to be refuelling, but nothing I could do about that.
They must have not got to their hotel until about 8 o'clock. Which when you're on the go, all the time, like we are at the moment, that's a lot and it's incredibly tiring for them. Pam and I were okay. We had a couple of bits to nibble on in the small bag and little tea and coffee. So we were quite happy, but it's really hard on them, which is upsetting um and little details like that, that make quite a bit of difference. Its nobody's fault these things happen, it's just one of the challenges of an event like this, and everyone knew what they were letting themselves in for. We were all very clear and up front!
When mistakes happen though, I can't help but feel like it's my fault, but because it's me that wanted to do this event. I do know that it isn't, but its hard not to feel a sense of responsibility. I could have done something more or should have done something more to help, but I knew I couldn't. I don't get told anything of the logistical plans anyway. That is on purpose so that i can concentrate on what I need to deliver, which is hard enough.
But the day was actually really nice. We had lots of people beeping again on the side of the road, which really really helps, especially when you're feeling as tired as I was today.
Every time I hear one of those beeps or Somebody shouting out at the out the Window, It genuinely helps me a lot. It gives you a spurt of energy. It never fails to amaze me just how lovely people can be.
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Lexi Chambers